If I Don't Return
by AnglophileConfessions
Summary: Allison tries to gather her thoughts while Scott searches for Lydia. She looks through a box full of the past while pondering rather she will have a future or not.


Allison couldn't help but feel an alarming amount of anxiety this time. She had tried to calm herself by working on her bow, but to no avail. For some reason, this time felt far worse than any other time she had faced danger. Maybe it was because everything was so different. She didn't have Scott or Lydia by her side. That was certainly fueling her anxiety. Lydia's being taken by the nogitsune was a horrifying punch to the gut. Allison felt as though she had let Lydia down. She should have been by her side that day. She should have made sure that Lydia was safe.

Nothing about this task was going to be easy, but Allison was determined to find her best friend. She would save Lydia. She _had_ to. They had gotten Stiles back. They could save Lydia from the clutches of the nogitsune too. Allison took a deep breath in an attempt to calm herself and steady her nerves.

She was sitting in her room on her bed, thinking. Any minute now Scott was going to call her and let her know if they had made any progress on finding Lydia. Scott was an excellent leader and friend. If there was anyone on earth she trusted to find Lydia, it was him. Allison felt a pang in her chest. She missed Scott. Although she had been the one who ended their relationship, she still loved him. Allison had needed time to grow on her own away from Beacon Hills and Scott Mccall though. The loss of her mother was a huge blow. Her mother wasn't perfect and they had disagreed on many things, but she had loved Allison. No matter what she had done, she loved her daughter. Even though her actions were often twisted and mislead, she fully believed that everything she did was to keep Allison safe.

Working through her grief had been the most difficult thing Allison had ever been through. She felt so many different emotions at one time; she needed to remove herself from Beacon Hills and go to France with her father. It had been their chance to grow and move on together as a family of two. Scott had been more than understanding when she had spoken to him just before the summer holidays. He never pushed her to rekindle their relationship or to talk to him while she was away. When she returned he had grown from boy to man in one summer. He was an entirely new person. She was proud of her own growth, and she was proud of Scott's. She always felt that they would find their way back to one another again. However, upon her return to Beacon Hills things had once begun to unravel. They had faced the alpha pack, the darach, and now they were facing what seemed to be the most dangerous threat yet. There hadn't been time to define what their relationship with one another had become since her return. They were friends and for now that was enough. He had Kira now, and she and Isaac were…something.

Allison was strong though. She was strong and smart and could get through this. They had always made it out alive no matter how difficult things became. She could do it again. Being strong didn't mean Allison wasn't scared though. Even the bravest of people feel fear; they just know how to control their fear and how to face it valiantly.

She leaned over to rummage through the drawer in her nightstand until she found the picture of her mother that she kept close to her. Her heart felt heavy and she felt tears well up in her eyes. She blinked them back and tucked her dark waves behind her ears.

"I miss you, mom." She said into the silence. "I need you. I need your strength." Whatever else her mother had been, cruel, selfish, and even murderous, her mother had also been loving and protective. She had raised Allison. She taught Allison how to be a leader and how to take her life into her own hands.

Allison put the photo back in the drawer and then rolled over and nestled into her bed. Something poked her in the side and she reached into her jacket pocket to pull out the offending object. It was the silver arrow she had made earlier. She rolled it in her fingers still feeling as though she were missing something. If only she could relax and allow herself to think more clearly. But, she couldn't. Not with everything that was happening.

Allison sighed, feeling restless, and stood up to begin pacing around the room. Then she stooped to reach underneath her bed and retrieve a box. It was the only box she had neglected to unpack after moving into the apartment with her father. She sat in the floor and opened it. Inside were pictures of her and Scott as well as vestiges of their relationship. She rifled through them until she found what she was looking for – the tiny photo that they had taken together in the booth at the ice rink. Allison smiled a full genuine smile. It was the first she had smiled in a long time. Then she reached inside and pulled out a button-up shirt of Scott's that he had given her when they were dating. She had often contemplated giving it back, but she couldn't part with it. She raised the shirt up to her face and inhaled what was left of his scent. She then placed it with the photo then reached into the box once again and pulled out a slip of paper that had the words "Because I Love You" scrawled across them in Scott's handwriting. Once again she felt tears in her eyes. This time she didn't blink them away. She let them fall. She let her fear and her worries wash over her until she felt an odd calm that comes after a much needed cry.

After placing all of the items back into the box and pushing it far beneath her bed she rose and went to her desk where her crossbow rested. She wiped away her tears, took a deep breath and rummaged around in her desk drawer. After finding a notebook and pen she settled down in her chair and began to write:

Scott:

I knew that if something happened you would find yourself here at some point. I hope you never have to find this. However, if at some point you do, I need to let you know that I want you to be happy. I want you to find love and be happy and live your life to the fullest, Scott.

Because I love you.

Love, Allison

She hoped she was right about him coming here. They loved each other and she knew Scott almost better than she knew herself. She was almost positive that he would come here for comfort if something happened to her and she never returned home. It was a dismal thought, but Alison had learned from experience that life was fleeting and it was important to be prepared; it was important to tell people you love them before it's too late. Now wasn't the time to do it verbally, so she told him in written words what she couldn't say aloud.

The white door to her bedroom opened abruptly, making her jump. Isaac walked into the room saying "They've found her. They know where Lydia is. She's at Eichen House."

"Oh god…we have to get there. We have to meet them there, Isaac!"

As Isaac ducked out of the room Allison hurriedly folded the note for Scott. She looked around the room quickly trying to think of a place to put it where Scott would find it. After a few seconds of thought she settled on placing it under her mattress. She knew that if he laid on the bed he would hear the crinkling of the paper beneath him. If he didn't, her father would find it eventually and pass it along. Allison desperately hoped no one ever had to find that letter.

She grabbed her bow and arrows and walked purposefully out into the hallway shutting the white door behind her. She followed Isaac out of the apartment, pulling out her phone to call her father. She had to let him know that they had found her. They couldn't afford to wait for him, but she had to let him know where they were going…


End file.
